


I promise you're enough

by Loulouche, TiamatZX



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Blood and Injury, Coda, F/F, First Kiss, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Near Death Experiences, Spoilers for C2E123, post-episode
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-15 22:35:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29071890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Loulouche/pseuds/Loulouche, https://archiveofourown.org/users/TiamatZX/pseuds/TiamatZX
Summary: “You’re enough. You’re all I need and all I want. And by gods.... I promise you’re enough.”-----Takes place immediately after C2E123. Title is from You Are Enough, by Sleeping at Last
Relationships: Beauregard Lionett & The Mighty Nein, Beauregard Lionett and Caleb Widogast, Beauregard Lionett/Yasha Nydoorin
Comments: 13
Kudos: 145





	I promise you're enough

**Author's Note:**

> AUTHORS’ NOTES:
> 
> LUCE  
> Okay, listen. Last night was literally the second time I was watching live, and let me tell you. I did NOT sign for this!
> 
> ADAM  
> Nor I! I was anticipating a LOT of things. But… godsdammit…
> 
> LUCE  
> This game was just so stressing and draining, both mentally and emotionally. I said it before the live started, I wasn’t prepared for any of the things that could happen, and I’ll say it again… I WASN’T PREPARED. But… I have to admit the intensity of this game made for some pretty good fic material.
> 
> ADAM  
> Indeed it did. I was so SCARED that Beau was going to DIE. 69 damage (VERY NOT NICE) from Lucien + almost being torn to shreds by Gelidon = A VERY BAD DAY FOR THE EXPOSITOR.
> 
> LUCE  
> I think we should thank Matt for sparing them, because he probably did. First with the warning he gave them during the fight, then when he decided to not have the Tombtakers go after the Mighty Nein. He could have… But yes, very intense game, that was a close one for our very favorite Expositor. Hopefully, this will put things in movement for her and Yasha…! (by the way, should I talk about the amount of traumatizing things Yasha has seen so far? give her a break!) If not, I don’t know what more it will take, but at least this fic will be here as a “what if”.
> 
> ADAM  
> “In movement”? Luce, I think the term you’re looking for is “in perspective”, in keeping with what Cad was talking about? But yeah. Terrifying. C’mon, Sentinel Babes, GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER! PLEASE!
> 
> And Beauregard… please stop. To tempt fate is to court Death, and you’ve courted with the reaper far more than with your guardian angel!
> 
> LUCE  
> I guess now we know what all this trolling from Liam and Marisha was for, right?
> 
> ADAM  
> Yup. Anyway, on with the fic!

Somehow, through a series of very risky but mostly successful spells and moves, the Mighty Nein manages to discourage the Tombtakers from giving chase. As they are running, they turn and see Lucien dispel Fjord’s _Major Image_ and then to their surprise, he gives a hand motion and the rest of his party stay put.

“They’re not coming after us!” Fjord shouts from the back of Mammoth-Beau.

“We’ve got to keep moving,” Caduceus says in this firm and confident voice he has when things are _really_ bad.

This statement seems obvious to everybody, and so they just keep going through the tundra.

They run, and run, and run. Even when Yasha’s wings fade away, even when the _Polymorph_ spells drop, they keep running. Eventually, the sky starts getting lighter and the exhaustion from a sleepless night of chase and battle catches up to them and adds to the tiredness most of them were already suffering from the day before.

“I can’t summon the tower, guys,” Caleb says in a panting voice. “I’m drained, I’m sorry.”

“It’s-It’s okay,” Caduceus says with a pat on the wizard’s shoulder. “If you can give us the dome that’ll be good enough.”

“ _Ja_ , I can do that.”

“We need to find a safe spot first!” Fjord shouts. And sure enough, they manage to find a solitary cave that would definitely surround the dome.

As Caleb settles down and pulls out his spellbook to start preparing the ritual, Jester and Fjord fall into each other's arms. The rest of the group hear Jester sob and Fjord whisper inaudible words to her in a comforting voice. Veth and Caduceus slump down in the snow side by side and sigh in unison, completely exhausted both physically and mentally.

The two Sentinels are left awkwardly standing a few feet apart from each other. Yasha risks a look at the monk. “Beau? Are you--”

Her voice gets strangled in her throat as Beau completely turns to her. They all have been running for hours, with no time to check in on each other or even glance at the person standing next to them. Yasha saw Beau during the fight, saw all the hits she took, but she wasn’t ready for the vision in front of her.

Beau’s face is still stained with blood. Between all of this, she hardly got time to roughly wipe it off her face, and it’s either frozen or dried on her face at this point. Her stance is really bad, and Yasha noticed earlier from the corner of her eye that she had a limp. She can’t imagine how sore her whole body must be at the moment. The Tombtakers really wrecked her.

“I-I think I’m gonna sit down for a bit.”

Beau barely has time to finish her sentence. She tries to sit down, but her legs give away, probably as the rush of adrenaline leaves her body, and she falls. Yasha rushes over and manages to catch her before she completely collapses. Beau smothers a cry of pain as Yasha grabs her harshly, but the aasimar holds on to her and helps her land more gently than she would have. “I’ve got you.”

They stopped for a very brief moment after the _Polymorph_ spells dropped, just long enough for the clerics to cast minor healing spells to give the party just what they needed to keep going. But it wasn’t enough for most of them, certainly not for Beau, even if she had assured them that she was alright. Yasha gently cups her cheek and calls upon her celestial heritage to cast _Healing Hands_. Beau lets out a weak gasp and a loud crack indicates something has been put back in place.

“It’s not much, but I hope it helps.”

“It does,” Beau says with a nod. She puts a hand over the one Yasha has on her face and leans into her palm. “Thanks.”

Yasha rubs Beau’s cheek with her thumb and the monk closes her eyes and sighs deeply. Yasha looks at the blood on her face and images immediately come flashing back into her mind.

* * *

**A few hours ago**

* * *

Yasha feels Beau jump off her owl back. She goes into a front flip and lands between Cree and Zoran in a perfect three-point landing. She is now blocking the path between Caleb and Caduceus, who just crashed on the ground, and the Tombtakers.

The monk lets out a few good blows. Lucien does something to her that Yasha doesn’t recognize from a distance, but Beau still manages to hit Cree and stun her. She can’t stun Zoran, but she deals damage nevertheless. She then turns to Lucien and closes the short distance between them. She hits him twice, and Yasha can see she is aiming for the points of his body that usually result in a stun, but nothing happens. Despite the lack of effect, inside of her, Yasha is cheering. Beau is doing great!

But then, all of a sudden, she is reminded of how powerful Lucien truly is. So is Beau, and she is the one on the frontline at the moment.

Lucien lifts Beau by the throat. She grabs his hand and struggles, but she can’t break free and suddenly, she begins bleeding from the eyes, ears, and nose. The horrible cry of pain she lets out rings in Yasha’s sensitive owl ears and in her heart. For a moment, she almost forgets she needs to flap her wings to stay in the air and keep flying. But she has to, if she wants to try and reach Beau before Lucien seals her fate.

She knows Beau. They’ve fought many times together, traveling with the Mighty Nein. She knows the monk can take a lot of damage and never complain once. Just this morning, she was clawed and bitten by an ancient white dragon and she didn’t say anything, just worried about Yasha watching her. Yasha knows how resistant and enduring Beau is. If she screams, then it’s bad. _Really_ bad.

Beau’s head weakly tilts to the side and when it does, Yasha is met with a gaze that looks nothing like Beau. Her usually lively and smart blue eyes are rolling back with blood oozing out of her sockets. She barely manages to move a bit so she is alive… but the sight itself is terrifying. Yasha knows the image is one that will add to her already well-furnished collection of nightmares.

Lucien looks at Beau, but he is addressing everybody, "Is this really how you want this to go?"

Yasha loved Molly’s voice and technically, this is his body and his voice. But when Lucien speaks? She absolutely hates it. She has from the very beginning and right now she does more than ever. It’s Molly’s voice, but it doesn’t sound like it.

Lucien pulls out one of his scimitars and activates it when he runs it upward on his own chest to draw some blood. He steps back and brings Beau with him as he keeps holding onto her throat, seemingly not squeezing it. He doesn’t need to. At this point, Beau is no longer struggling. Lucien dealt some very serious damage with this one single attack.

Suddenly, everything seems to be happening very quickly around Yasha, but also very slowly at the same time. She can see a lot of things are going on at once on the battlefield, but her eyes and attention are only focused on Beau and Lucien at the moment.

She barely processes Otis kicking free, barely tries to hold them actually. The only thing she notices is they dart back to their own party, right where Beau is. She hears shouting go back and forth between Fjord and Lucien and then from the corner of her eye, she sees Caduceus put his hands up to try and stop the fight. It’s useless.

She knows the look of a predator about to give the final blow after toying with its prey for a while, and that’s exactly the look on Lucien’s face right now.

Yasha is not that far from Beau. The monk can do some pretty amazing things, but she can’t fly, only jump. But still, Yasha feels like she is miles away from her when she sees Zoran walk over to Beau.

The goliath draws some blood and lights up his maul. He goes for a first strike, but Beau miraculously finds enough strength to hold on to Lucien’s arm and use it to lift her legs and dodge out of the way. But she can’t hold her position and just as her legs weakly fall back down, the angry and frustrated Zoran goes for a second strike. The maul slams right into her defenseless stomach and a second cry of pain rings out that covers the sinister _crack_ from her body. Yasha can see she is still conscious, but she is left limp in Lucien’s grip.

They will kill Beau. Yasha knows it, there is absolutely no doubt about it. They will execute her in front of all of her friends, make her an example to prove standing in their way was foolish. She has to do something and she has to do it _now_.

She briefly thinks about dropping her owl form and pulling out her sword to cut Lucien’s arm, plain and simple. Not only would it be efficient, it would also bring her a lot of satisfaction. But she realizes they will have no way out then. The casters used a lot of spells when they were fighting Gelidon, they can’t waste any of them. She sends a quick prayer to the Stormlord, hoping she is making the right decision.

Yasha swipes down as fast as possible and grabs Beau. She pulls and luckily, Lucien’s slim silhouette is not strong enough to resist. She yanks Beau out of his grip and takes off in the air.

In the few times she has been polymorphed and she has carried Beau, the monk was always bracing herself and holding her body in a way that made bearing her through the air easier. Right now, she is just a rag doll hanging into Yasha’s claws. Even with the owl’s aid, she can hardly right herself. Yasha briefly looks down and sees Beau drink a healing potion as she clings to her talons for dear life and weakly thanks her.

Just as Yasha believes they might make it out alive, Otis shoots three _Eldritch Blasts_ at her, followed by a crossbow bolt. She is pulled back and her owl form drops, and with that they also plummet, though thankfully without further wounds.

From there, it’s all a blur to Yasha as it just becomes a mad dash to escape and survive.

Beau had called her a survivor. But Yasha had called herself a coward.

And that horrible haunting image of Beau beaten to within an inch of her life, for the second time in the same day… it’s too much… it’s… it’s too...

* * *

“Yasha?”

The voice calling her name sounds like it’s coming from far, far away. Yasha shakes off the visions from this traumatizing experience and blinks a few times.

Beau is looking right at her with a concerned look on her face. Her face that’s still covered in blood. Yasha pulls out a rag from gods know where and takes her waterskin. She soaks the rag and turns to Beau. “May I?”

The monk nods her agreement and Yasha starts cleaning her face with the gentlest gestures. She wipes the bloody tears off her cheeks and Beau closes her eyes to allow her to rub them too. It takes Yasha a few minutes, but eventually, Beau’s face is mostly clean.

“Thanks, Yash.”

Yasha withdraws and as she does, Beau sees her hand shaking. She gently grabs it. “I’m okay.”

The aasimar looks down and whispers, “You could have died.”

“But I didn’t,” the monk replies, not even bothering to hide the quiver in her voice.

Yasha closes her eyes and sighs in frustration. She helps Beau up on her feet without a word, and once the monk is standing, she quietly walks away in the opposite direction from the rest of the group.

“Beauregard?”

Beau was about to go after Yasha, but she stops. She has never heard that voice sound so… terrified before, not even when he was faced with Trent or returning home.

She slowly turns around and sees Caleb staring right at her from the dome. And it doesn’t take long for her to realize why he is acting like this.

_“I’m glad we're in this together. For better or for worse.”_

She glances at Yasha. The aasimar put a distance between her and the group, but she’s not too far off. Without even bothering to hide the lingering pain in her body, Beau walks over to Caleb… and in one quick motion is wrapped in Caleb’s manic, frantic embrace.

“D-Don’t do that ever again.”

She feels him trembling against her and his voice is shakier than she’s ever heard from him before. As if answering to Caleb’s, her own body starts shivering. The realization of what could have happened suddenly dawns on her.

She clings onto Caleb just as frantically, the terrifying reality that yet again her own mortality was put on the razor’s edge shaking her to the core. And then the dam breaks.

“That’s… That was so stupid of me. Stupid, stupid, stupid…! I’m… I’m sorry...”

It was the smallest, weakest, most broken voice anyone had ever heard come out of Beau’s lips.

“I… I saw you down, you and Caduceus. I just… I didn’t realize. I just wanted to help you and…” She takes a deep breath. “Maybe I got under his skin, but maybe he got under mine too.” She lets out a sad shaky chuckle.

“Please, please don’t be that reckless again. We promised, remember? To keep each other in check?”

“I… I don’t know if I can avoid that. I...”

Caleb pulls back and with gestures that are a bit harsh, but mainly because of the emotion, he grabs both sides of her head and looks her in the eye. “We promised.”

Beau nods. “I’m sorry.”

Her vision becomes blurry and she feels tears gathering in her eyes. She doesn’t even bother trying to contain them. She blinks and a few fall down. Immediately, Caleb places a kiss on her forehead and hugs her again, and she hugs him back. She hears a sob escape him.

“I can’t bear to lose you, Beauregard. You’re… You’re like a _schwester_ to me.”

Beau is left speechless for a bit. What Caleb had just said was in Zemnian, but she caught the meaning as if it were as natural as Common. She realizes that this is the first time he’s referred to her as more than a friend or his partner.

He sees her as his _sister_.

The tears keep pouring, and she doesn’t know if it’s from the breakdown or from the confession Caleb just made. But regardless, she feels it’s only fair to reciprocate.

“And you’re like a brother to me. I’m sorry I almost… _died_.” It feels awful to admit, as she is usually one to not be so concerned about her own mortality, often being flippant about it. But being with the Nein for this long changed that.

She chuckles nervously. “I think I finally learned to be afraid of that. I don’t know if it’s good or not, though.”

“Maybe it means you have something to lose now. It’s scary, and it hurts more. But I think it’s good.”

“Yeah. I think so too.”

“Gives us a reason to fight, you know.”

“Yeah.”

They stay into each other’s arms for a long moment, until Beau feels a hand on her shoulder. She parts from Caleb and looks at Caduceus.

The firbolg is not smiling, but he has this kind expression on his face. “Thank you for protecting us, Beau. That was very brave. But very reckless. Caleb is right. Don’t do that again, please.”

She nods and quickly rubs Caduceus’ hand on her own shoulder. “I’ll try not to. But if I do get in over my head again, I’m trusting you all to pull me out.”

“We’ve got your back.”

She turns to Fjord and forces a smile to return the one he’s giving her. She turns to Jester and Veth who are still weepy-eyed but also give smiles of comfort, and as she looks back to Yasha...

She’s gone outside the dome, keeping watch, her back to everyone.

“I’ll stay up with Yasha for watch.” Beau says this in a tone that brooks no argument. She then turns back to Caleb and gives him a smile. “I’ll be okay. I got my guardian angel with me.” She gives Caleb a forehead kiss to reciprocate the one he’d given and after squeezing his shoulder, specifically the right one where the brand is, she walks over to sit next to Yasha.

The aasimar doesn’t flinch when she joins her. She probably heard her coming as Beau wasn’t trying to be stealthy. She doesn’t look at the monk and keeps her look on the horizon where the sun is slowly rising.

“Hey.”

Yasha doesn’t answer, just stares at the sun.

Beau gives up on her attempt to seem unaffected. She knows it’s useless, if not hurtful after what happened. “Yasha… I’m sorry.”

“I can’t do it, Beau.”

The monk feels her heart stop. “Wha-What do you mean?” She clenches her fists when she hears the fear in her own voice.

“I can’t watch you merely escape death again and again. I… I can’t.” Yasha bows her head and looks down at the ground. And just when Beau thinks she’s prepared for what she plans to say next… she’s quickly proven wrong. “I want a future with you. I know it’s ridiculous, because we haven’t even had our first date yet, but I-I want to grow old with you.”

Yasha grits her teeth in a seething but still quiet anger. “But we’ll never get that if you keep throwing yourself in front of danger at any opportunity you get. Especially if I can’t get to you fast enough.”

Beau just looks at Yasha incredulously, and perhaps a bit of doubt. “You think that’s what I was doing? I wasn’t playing kamikaze or anything like that, Yasha. I was doing what I’m supposed to do in this group, which is go into melee and take damage for those who can’t. Caduceus and Caleb were on the ground, right in front of Lucien, you saw it like me. Maybe Caduceus could have taken it if he had been lucky, but if Caleb had taken the hits I took, he would be dead right now. That’s what you do too, that’s what we both do.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. But… I…” She briefly closes her eyes, and when she opens them again, she can’t bring herself to look at Beau. “I thought I was going to see you die right in front of me. I thought I was going to watch Molly kill you in front of me.”

“Yasha, it’s not--”

“I know it’s not him. But it’s hard to dissociate sometimes. And wh-when you started bleeding… I saw Vess’ dead body. I--” Her voice is too shaky to keep going and she closes her eyes.

Beau then realizes that the anger coming from Yasha is not directed at her specifically, but at herself.

“But I didn’t die.” She takes hold of Yasha’s face and forces her to look at her eyes. “Because of _you_. Yasha, you saved me, just like you had done before at the cathedral. Yeah, that was a horrible experience and you… almost killed me. But you also got me out of harm’s way.”

Yasha is looking to the side again, avoiding Beau’s eyes. “But what if someday I’m not quick enough? Or strong enough? What if I’m not enough--”

“You’re enough, Yasha. You’re all I need and all I want. And by gods... I _promise_ you’re enough.”

Yasha seems scared to look up, but she does. Her eyes find Beau’s and the monk smiles at her. Yasha grabs Beau’s left hand, where the red eye she couldn’t rub off in the morning remains. “I can’t lose you.”

With a tiny bit of trepidation, Beau reaches up to brush a strand of white from Yasha’s face. “You won’t. You didn’t. Not today. And not ever.” Her mouth suddenly feels so dry, but she tries to eke out the next few words without falling apart. “I don’t want to lose you, too. I...”

She can’t bring herself to say the rest, so in lieu of words she just wraps her arms around Yasha. Being this up close, Beau can feel Yasha’s heart just pounding like a drum. And she just knows it’s pounding because of her.

“I promise I’ll be more careful. But like it or not… I _will_ have to face him again and--”

“ _I’m going to kill him._ ”

Just that statement alone brings chills down Beau’s spine and stops her train of thought. Yasha’s heart is still pounding, yet her words are ice cold, seething with a cold fury. Beau holds her closer if possible and whispers, “I don’t want you to do this, Yash. Not you.”

“Beauregard.” She’d never called her that before. “I wanted to give him a chance, wanted to hope… but he killed that hope when he almost killed _you_.”

Beau finds nothing to say to that. She would want to kill him too - well, even more than she already does - if he had tried to take Yasha down.

Yasha speaks again, but this time, her voice is a little calmer. It suddenly sounds sad, so much that Beau wonders if she prefers to hear anger in her tone. “Even if Molly is still somewhere inside of him, I…” Yasha briefly pauses. “I know he would rather have us kill him as Lucien if it means keeping us all safe,” she finishes with a smothered sob.

Beau sniffs and rubs the tears from her eyes as she is still hugging Yasha. “Yeah. You’re probably right.” There is a short pause. “What if we need him to get rid of the eyes?”

“I will wrench it from his dead body if I have to, and I’m sure Caduceus will be happy to help.”

Beau chuckles, and as nervous as it sounds, it feels good to release the tension a little. She gently backs off and Yasha let go of her. Once they’re facing each other, the aasimar pushes strands of hair that went stray during the fight out of her face. She cups her cheek and strokes it with her thumb. “I will not let him take any of you. Not Caleb. Not you.”

Beau smiles. “Speaking of Caleb. When you ran up to him and summoned your wings? That was amazing.”

Yasha blushes a little and tries to hide her coy smile. “I-I almost used them this morning to go get you when Gelidon was trying to get away, actually.”

“That would have been really cool,” Beau says as she rests her hand on Yasha’s thigh, as if she had done this dozens of times before. “But I’m glad you didn’t. Who knows what would have happened if you hadn’t been able to pull Caleb out of this mess.”

“Yeah.”

“You saved us, Yasha. You saved both of us. I told you: you’re a survivor. And survivors are not cowards.”

“Maybe one day, you will convince me this is true.”

“Maybe I can convince you now.”

With that, Beau suddenly gets much closer. They’ve just hugged, so they shouldn’t be able to get closer than that actually. But the unexpected proximity of their faces takes Yasha off guard and feels much more intimate than their previous embrace. Beau puts a hand on Yasha’s face, mirroring the one she has on the monk’s cheek.

“Are you scared right now?”

Yasha takes Beau’s free hand and puts it down on her chest to lay just over her heart. Beau can feel it pounding even faster and louder than before when they were hugging. “I think you can tell,” the aasimar whispers.

“Are you going to run?”

“That’s the last thing I want to do.”

“Then…” Beau leans closer and stops just a few inches from Yasha’s mouth. “You’re not a coward.” She pokes Yasha in the chest with her free hand. “You love me. And...”

She remains still and waits for Yasha to close the last distance between them as she closes her eyes in anticipation… and hope.

“And I… love you, Yasha.”

If there was any hesitation left in Yasha, it is blissfully brief before she closes her eyes and the gap between them, sighing when her lips meet Beau’s. The taste is copper-like from some lingering blood, and salty from their collective tears, but in this instance neither woman is even caring.

What matters to them is that they managed to live. Exhausted, wounded, scared, terrified… but still alive.

They can worry about Lucien and the Tombtakers in the morning, assuming they aren’t going to bother with pursuit. As Lucien had said, they could always get another one, whether or not the Mighty Nein died.

For now… in the here and now… _this is enough_.

**Author's Note:**

> When we woke up/The world was figured out/Beyond the beauty we've dreamt about  
> This brilliant light is brighter than we've known/Without our darkness to prove it so  
> Still, we can't help but to examine it/To add our question marks to periods  
> At the foot of our bed, we found an envelope…  
> You're enough, you're enough, you're enough, you are enough  
> These little words, somehow they're changing us.  
> You're enough, you're enough, you are enough/So we let our shadows fall away like dust  
> When we grew up/Our shadows grew up too/But they're just old ghosts  
> That we grow attached to/The tragic flaw is that they hide the truth  
> That you're enough, you're enough, you're enough  
> I promise you're enough, you're enough, you're enough  
> I promise you're enough, you're enough, you're enough, I promise you  
> You're enough, you're enough, you're enough, you are enough  
> These little words, somehow they're changing us  
> You're enough, you're enough, you are enough/So we let our shadows fall away like dust  
> You're enough, you're enough, you're enough, you are enough  
> These little words, somehow they're changing us  
> Let it go, let it go, you are enough/So we let our shadows fall away like dust


End file.
